For many years, I was known to have said that for me, Maundy Thursday was one of the most powerful days in our Christian calendar. I looked at this day...actually, this night as a time when true faith comes into question...time and time again, for me and quite possibly for many others.
At least, that's what I think of when I consider what it must have been like to be one of those gathered for that final meal with Jesus. Of course, not knowing the exact details of that night my mind takes a journey of inserting ideas and experiences that mirror my own life.
I think of the many "final meals" I have had with others in my life.
the final meal I ate with my grandparents...all of whom have left this world
the final meal I shared in a time of fellowship, cookies and coffee with my home congregation in Iowa
the final meal I enjoyed in Maine, as my seminary career (finally) came to an end
I think of those with whom I feasted...friends, family, strangers, acquaintances...all having had touched my life in some way...and now? Now we are apart...not knowing if our paths will cross again.
It must have been similar for those whom Jesus kept near...the Disciples and friends that shared with him in ministry and now found themselves once again sharing in a meal.
What thoughts go through the mind when we encounter one of those "last meals?" "last moments?"
As a Christian...a follower of Jesus and his teachings...one thought that goes through my mind is that even if a meal I share with someone is to be the last, I am comforted in knowing that we will connect again...if not here on earth than certainly in the experience that follows. And as cliche as it may sound, I truly do understand that each encounter I have is someone shaping me and therefore those with whom I feast, those who touch my life, will continue within me.
But I cannot imagine those thoughts going through the minds of Jesus' friends. For sure, they must have had concern for Jesus...traveling with him from town to town...witnessing him speaking the truth to power...ultimately pissing off those who saw their way as "THE way."
So imagine for a moment, this friend and teacher - Jesus, reclined at table with you one last time. What is to come? How will you go on? What will your life, your ministry look like if this charismatic, truth-teller is no longer in the lead?
For the faithful Jesus-follower, these questions are moot...we continue to follow Jesus to this day, living a life where his teachings are just as fresh as the day he allegedly spoke them 2000 years ago.
But consider what life would be like if the man in whom we have invested so much of ourselves is about to disappear...forever... How will we go on?
Several years ago I spent this night in the seminary chapel with a dear friend who not only drew beautiful music from the piano but also offered an ear to which I voiced my frustration. If you had walked into the chapel that night you would have found me on the floor...on my back...tears in my eyes and anger in my heart... for in that moment I had a very clear understanding of what it meant to have someone so vital to my existence simply disappear. In this case, it wasn't that Jesus would not longer be with me... it was God who was absent. I had been thrust over a faith precipice, finding that I had nothing to hold on to that would keep me from plunging into the darkest deep. I had lost faith in God's presence. I was now on my own.
How was I to go on?
It is a question that comes and goes from time to time in this journey of faith I continue to try and navigate. Perhaps (hopefully) in this I am not alone.
Yes, there's a great story to be told of what brought me up off that chapel floor and gave strength to my legs once again walking a path of faith with God walking alongside me. But I will save that for another time.
Because tonight is a night of unanswered questions. It is a night of loss, darkness, desertion and great suffering. It will begin in celebration and end in pain.
So I leave it there...hanging off the precipice...not knowing what will jut out to offer us an alternate ending to our story. I leave it there for a few hours...a few days... perhaps even a few months... A time to reconsider how it is that we are living...how it is that we are prepared for this life because of the teachings we have absorbed.
May this night be a night of great tension for you as I know it will be for me. May it be a time of deep, faithful questioning that ultimately could land us in a relationship with this man Jesus that encourages us to risk it all as we too, speak the truth to power, follow the truth-teller and become change-agents in a world desperately in need of what we have to share. May we find our way through the darkness and eventually experience the rest of the story...
