It was a beautiful time to be at the park. A little hot, actually. But the kids didn't seem to mind. They were running around, climbing everything in sight, swinging on swings and sliding down slides. It was a school night, not our typical time to be at the playground. However, something else took us there this day.
We piled out of the car, me and six children. That's right, six! Three are ours, each adopted out of foster care over the past few years. The additional three came to us as a foster placement...a sibling group that had initially been split up, and now reside together in our home.
The three siblings were coming to the playground for a visit with their parents.
Now before I go any further, I have to acknowledge that the experience we are currently having is not the experience for all who are fostering children. In our situation, we speak or have email correspondence with the birth parents on average two to three times each week. And on this occasion, as I transported the children to their visit, I was able to meet the parents face-to-face. And I'm glad I did.
Throughout the time that their children have been in our home, my husband and I have been clear that we are caring for these children in a foster care capacity. We are not planning to adopt. We are providing a loving environment for them while their family works on what they need to do to have the children return home. And it seems as if that is what they are doing.
Back to the park - Our boys were thrilled to have a chance to run wild, burning off the energy from being at school all day long. And while they played, the three siblings soaked up some quality time with their mom and dad. Honestly, it was a joy to see the parents interact with their children, running with them around the playground, going down the slides with them, and smiling ear-to-ear the entire time.
The family sat at a table together talking, eating some snacks and just loving on one another. It was beautiful!
Our boys and I left the park for a while, came back home to complete homework, and to allow the siblings some time without us in view.
Upon returning to the park, I met again with the parents as we loaded the children back into the car. The children received an extraordinary number of kisses and hugs and the words "I love you" were shared back and forth numerous times. There is no question in my mind that this family loves their children and vice versa.
While getting everyone buckled in, mom continued to thank me for all that we are doing to care for her children in this time. She has thanked us many times before via email and on the phone...thankful for bringing all of her children into one home, and thankful for the tender care we are providing.
Mom and Dad waved as we drove away. And the children waved back. The conversation on the way to our home was filled with stories from the playground and of the visit. There were no tears, no tantrums. All three of the siblings transitioned well back into our routine that evening and went to bed without a hitch that night. It's an incredible situation.
I think in part we witness very little "post-visit" behaviors because the children know they will see their parents again soon. They visit weekly and a phone call is made home a couple times during the week between the visits. They remain connected with their parents...and it works well for them. And they know they are loved!
The following morning, the children's birth mom emailed us, again thanking us and acknowledging that this isn't the ideal situation. And this time she said a bit more. Here are her words:
"Despite the situation with my kids not being home I have honestly had a great experience so far with dcyf and you! You have been amazing and I know I thank you every time but it means the world to me especially to communicate with you and to have you and Peter involved with helping our family back under one roof."
Reunification. We're taught in our foster care training that it is the initial goal when the majority of children are removed from their home and placed in foster care. Obviously, this is not the outcome for all children...hence, our three adopted sons. Yet it is an understandable goal... reuniting children with their parents, or relatives, in an environment that is now safer and healthier for these young ones.
And though the word reunification can strike fear into many with the thought that the children for which they are providing care will one day leave, it can be a beautiful thing.
I write these words today, while the three siblings are still within our care. We love having them with us. We love having all eight of us seated around the dining room table at mealtimes. We love the interactions we witness between all of the children, playing and screaming with excitement Our boys are showing incredible compassion for their three "new siblings," understanding that the day will come when they will go back to being with their mom and dad.
And I trust that that day will come for this family. I pray that it will happen, not in order to lower the decibel level in our home once again (although, that will be nice - LOL), I pray that it will happen so that these children can experience the love poured out from their parents on a daily basis. And, I pray that we can continue to be in relationship with them... children and parents.
Far too often we see stories of families known to the foster care system where if only the family had some sort of additional supports or relationships, things may have turned out differently. There are too many people in our state, in our world, who are in need of those types of loving, compassionate, supportive relationships. And we can each be part of changing that. These relationships are at the heart of what foster care can be.
I cannot see the future so I honestly don't know how this is all going to play out. There are many factors at play far beyond my control. Whatever the future may hold, I hope that it is an experience where we will be part of the lives of these three children and their parents for many years to come.
Stories of foster care are never the ideal situations. Yet, I'm thankful to be part of this one.
