An Open Letter to Disrespectful “Christians”
On Saturday, our church had representation at the PrideFest in Providence, Rhode Island. We had a booth, take-aways, our banner and a variety of warm friendly faces from our congregation greeting those that passed by. As I stood in front of the booth, I would often engage with those who were reading our banner or looking at our rainbow doors. I’d start the conversation quickly as I know that most street fairs pull for our attention in a million different ways so I needed to get to the heart of the conversation as quickly as possible. “Do you go to church?” is the question that I asked followed by; “Why not?” since the majority of folks answered “no” to my first question.
The responses ranged from “I don’t know” to “I’ve not found a church that is actually as welcoming as they claim to be.” I am making a huge assumption in that those I encountered probably identified with a sexuality other than heterosexual…but I can’t be completely sure.
This exchange went on throughout the day with many folks willing to engage in healthy conversation, learning about our church and challenging me to convince them that our church is truly as welcoming as we say it is.
But then the healthy engagements came to a grinding halt.
When I asked my next conversation partners if they were part of a church, the woman laughed and said “yes” as if I was offending her for asking. She then began to question the t-shirt I was wearing. It is a red shirt with the words “Love the sinner, hate the sin” written down the front. Each of the words has a line through it… except for the word “love.” The concept of the shirt is that the phrase “love the sinner, hate the sin” has all too often been used to cause harm to members of the LGBTQ community and that by leaving the word “love” as the only focus it shows us how we are to live. We are to simply love!
This woman and her male companion continued to question my shirt, the church’s banner which claimed that “Jesus didn’t reject anyone. Neither do we” (a slogan borrowed from our denomination, The United Church of Christ). They questioned my own personal theology and whether I believed in substitutionary atonement (Jesus dying as payment for our sins). They asked if Hitler is in Heaven…why does everyone always use Hitler for that example?
They went on and on, grilling me on Old Testament law and New Testament commandments. And I think I was doing pretty well, solid in my faith, solid in my theology, respectful in the exchange. That is until the young man said this…
“The PROBLEM with your theology is…”
And that’s where I shut the conversation down.
Up until that point I had been willing to engage with these conservative “Christians” in their little game of Christian theology trivial pursuit. I had been respectful in listening to them share their theology even though it was very different than mine. I never said they were wrong. I never said I was right. I listened and responded. Until they insulted me.
To say to someone; “the PROBLEM with your theology is…” is basically saying; “I don’t care what you believe… it’s wrong!” How does that attitude spread the Gospel?
I told the couple that I was done. Having now been insulted, I was no longer going to play their game. I gave them the church’s information and invited them to contact me to set up another time where we could sit down and have a respectful conversation. But in that moment, I was done.
What did they think they were going to prove? Did they think that I, a gay Christian man, an ordained United Church of Christ Pastor, was somehow going to change my view of our God and think that I was somehow wrong in thinking that God loves me?
Did they think that by telling me that there is a problem with my theology that I was going to grovel at their feet to be spoon-fed more of their hate-slinging?
Did they think that by trying to make me feel as if my theology is wrong that they were somehow advancing the Kingdom of God?
The Jesus that I follow is a man of respect. He challenged people in order to help them grow. He spoke the truth to power because he saw power being misused and misrepresented. He lived a life of meaning, encouraging others to discover how they could align their faith with their life. And yet he never insulted people, saying that he was right and they were wrong…end of story, no more discussion.
Jesus engaged in healthy debate, healthy dialogue. And we should too.
To claim Christianity as our faith and then to go about our lives causing harm to others, insulting them, talking behind their back, making a mockery of those trying to authentically live out their faith is a slap to Jesus’ face.
The movement that began with Jesus is one that is meant to bring people to a life-fulfilling relationship with a God who loves them. It is meant to provide a new lens through which we are to see the world… a lens of compassion and justice. The movement is meant to bring about change in the world through respect.
So to my disrespectful “Christian” conversation partners… I’m still waiting for the phone call to find a time to meet. Until then, I hope that God can find a way to enter in and crack open your hearts in a way that allows so much love and compassion to flow in there will no longer be room for hate. That is my prayer for you, for myself and for all who wish to live our lives following Jesus. May we love one another as God has shown us. And may we advance the Kingdom of God in doing so.
