Search and Call - Family

Today's Topic: Family

In my most recent post about the experience I have had in the Search and Call process in the United Church of Christ, several of you were very willing to engage with me and others around the topic of “secrecy.” Thank you. Please keep it up.

Today I want to touch on part of my experience that also came up in your comments about secrecy… and that’s what it was like for me to navigate this process as a family.

The first two times I went through the search process, it was just Peter and me. We didn’t adopt our children until we moved to Rhode Island so there were only two of us in the conversations prior.

And Peter was very involved in the process. In fact, in the early days of the search process… back when the national listings were only updated once each month… Peter would scour through the listings and make very strong suggestions on where I should send my profile. LOL

(Side note… Peter knows his stuff and can spot an inauthentic church 1000 miles away)

In earlier searches, Peter shouldered a good amount of transitional stress as he was tasked with finding employment in the new city to which we were called. Now… thankfully, he is able to do his work (extremely well) from anywhere that has cell reception and internet.

To have a spouse or partner who is willing to navigate this process alongside you is one of the greatest gifts, in my opinion. To have someone who “gets it” has also been one of the most wonderful things for me on my journey in ministry.

And yes, this is the opportune time to say; “Peter, I love you and appreciate you so much!”

Ok, enough of that. Let’s talk about the challenges of search and call with a family.

As you know, we now have three children, each of which live with some particular challenges and diagnosis due to the life they lived before we met them. Therefore, when looking to transition the family, the needs of the children are quite important.

For years, Peter and I have been navigating the school system in order to advocate for the needs of each of our boys… and, as some of you know, we have met an increasing amount of challenges in our current school system.

So not only was a seeking a faith community to which God was aligning my gifts, I was also seeking a school district that is capable of providing our children with the very best educational experience possible. They deserve that!

Thankfully, in this most recent search, we were informed of a local school with a long-standing reputation for incredible special education services. Awesome!

Now, touching back on my secrecy post, we opted not to tell our children that we were searching until the very last minute… like, the night before I candidating with the new faith community.

In reality, one of our children is unable to fully grasp the concept of searching for a new call and moving to a new city. He will adapt as we go.

We kept the other two out of the loop initially in an effort to keep the information close. The last thing we needed was for one of them to share with one of the neighborhood kids that we were looking to move.

So we told them the night before we candidate… and for the most part it went as expected. A mix of not really grasping what this means with a bit of “I don’t like it.”

And that’s part of the struggle of searching with a family. This decision impacts them all. Just because I, or whomever is in the search process, feels called by God to a new setting, doesn’t necessarily mean the rest of the family is fully on board. So it was really important for Peter and I to discuss this along the way.

And now, it is really important to support our boys as best we can throughout the transition.

And every family is different. Every family has its own unique aspects to navigate in this process. There is no “cookie cutter” way of getting through it.

I’m thankful that I have a husband who “gets it,” and children who are resilient and who will adapt to the new setting… in time.

That makes all the difference!

[Photo Credit: Xavi Cabrera on Unsplash]